Nickname: Jimmy Age: 41 Rank: Lieutenant Height: 5'8" Personal Motto: Work hard, play hard. Weapon of Choice: Preparedness is the most effective weapon...unless the guy has a bike chain. Astrological Sign: Leo Favorite Donut: Almond Croissant Favorite Karaoke Song: Anything from "Sweet Charity" What did you want to be when you grew up? 6' Reason for joining the force: To be out in the fresh air, busting crack heads. Undercover Identity: "Continental Gentleman" Why I love Reno: Just 3 1/2 hours to San Francisco
Nickname: Antisocial bi-polar manic depressive lunatic Age: 39 Rank: Deputy Height: 5' 9 1/2" (without arch support insoles) Personal Motto: If life gets bad enough - there's always suicide. Weapon of Choice: My wit and charm. Astrological Sign: Cappy - Aquarius Cusper Favorite Donut: I'm allergic to flour. Favorite Karaoke Song: Anything from the "Beaches" soundtrack What did you want to be when you grew up? Someone else. Reason for joining the force: The doctors thought it would be a good idea to get out of the house. Undercover Identity: Sex Kitten Why I love Reno: The climate is good for my asthma.
Nickname: Jonesy Age: 29 Rank: Deputy Height: 6'2" Personal Motto: "WWVVD" or "What would Vince Vaughn do" Weapon of Choice: My 12 1/2 size shoe deep in the anus of some criminal's ass. Astrological Sign: Aquarius, ladies! Favorite Donut: Bear claws or anything filled with apple stuff. Favorite Karaoke Song: "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye or "Y'all Goin' Make me Lose My Mind" by DMX What did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be Sidney Poitier. Reason for joining the force: As a kid, I viewed the movie "In the Heat of the Night," and when I saw Sidney Poitier as "Mr. Tibbs" slap that old white man, I know that's what I had to be. Of course now I know there's much more to being a cop than slapping white men, you can use a closed fist too! Undercover Identity: Any popular male black celebrity at the time; Will Smith, Chris Tucker, Samuel Jackson, Denzel Washington, Laurence Fishburne, Erkel, Collin Farell... Old 7-Up Guy. Why I love Reno: I love this city...I'm the Sam Malone of Reno, all the prostitutes know my name.
Nickname: Rae Rae Age: None of your business. Rank: Deputy Height: With or without my heels? Personal Motto: You don't have to eat a whole side of a cow to know that it's beef. Weapon of Choice: Mace of course. Astrological Sign: I don't believe in Zodiac signs. I believe in the $ sign. Favorite Donut: Chocolate Favorite Karaoke Song: "Last Chance" by Donna Summer What did you want to be when you grew up? Beautiful. I succeeded. Reason for joining the force: I joined for the benefits; I stayed because of the mace. Undercover Identity: B.B.W. Why I love Reno: I don't love Reno, but Reno loves me.
Nickname: Junior Age: 28 Rank: Deputy Height: 5' 8" Personal Motto: "Carpe Crakem." Seize the crackhead. Weapon of Choice: Tear gas Astrological Sign: I'm not sure Favorite Donut: Free donuts Favorite Karaoke Song: "Tequila" by The Champs What did you want to be when you grew up? Bass player for Lynyrd Skynrd 2000 Reason for joining the force: My dad was a cop. Said I could go to juvie or join the force. Why I love Reno: The people.
Nickname: Tank Age: 43 Rank: Sergeant Height: 6'2" Personal Motto: Hurt them before they hurt you. Weapon of Choice: Fist Astrological Sign: What? Favorite Donut: Are you f**king with me?! Favorite Karaoke Song: Is this for a gay magazine? What did you want to be when you grew up? Left Alone Reason for joining the force: Socially acceptable outlet for violence. Undercover Identity: Your mother. Why I love Reno: I don't.
Nickname: Rizzitoni Age: 37 Rank: Deputy Height: 5'7" Personal Motto: Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. Weapon of Choice: .38 snub-nosed revolver. Astrological Sign: Bunch of pagan nonsense. Sure, reading horoscopes is fun, but the only stars I'll listen to are Sinatra and Pacino. Favorite Donut: Boston Cream (only thing named for Boston I like). Favorite Karaoke Song: "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel What did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be King Kong because he was big and smashed things and no one f**ked with him. Plus, if he saw a hot chick, he would just pick her up and she learned to love him. And Godzilla was an arrogant, elitist prick anyway. Reason for joining the force: I was going astray, I had to man-up. I almost became a priest, but I didn't like the hazing process over at the seminary. Plus, I'm a big fan of sex, so that wasn't gonna work. I became a cop instead. Undercover Identity: Knuckles Why I love Reno: Not far from the Bunny Ranch, a LEGAL whorehouse.
Nickname: Ace Age: 41 Rank: Deputy Height: 5' 7" Personal Motto: Criminals are the vomit of society and we (the law) are the sawdust. Weapon of Choice: Colt 45 or a sawed-off shotgun Astrological Sign: Scorpio Favorite Donut: Bear Claw Favorite Karaoke Song: "Love Will Keep Us Together" by The Captain And Tennille What did you want to be when you grew up? River raft guide, but I refused to give CPR. Reason for joining the force: The force joined me. I am the universe of law and the law found me. Undercover Identity: Rick Why I love Reno: A place where you can still feel good about being a white American.