The multi-Award winning stand-up comedian has bestowed among us some knowledge. Behold:

“I don’t stop eating when I’m full! The meal isn’t over when I’m full. The meal is over when I hate myself.”

“You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to.”

“When girls go wild, they show their tits to people. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.”

“If you don’t eat your friend’s asshole out with your tongue, you’re a piece of shit.”

“Your phone doesn’t suck… your life sucks around the phone.”

“Boners just… they ruin everything.”

“You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited... and for me it was between the two buildings going down... I had to do it, otherwise they'd win.”

--
For many more CK'ism, check out this complete half-hour Comedy Central Presents special featuring the man himself.