1. Having heard that George R.R. Martin was visiting Conan on Wednesday night, Chewbacca, Frodo, Spock, and Dumbledore showed up to inaugurate him into the High Council of Nerds. Then later in this clip, LaBamba gets kidnapped!
 
2. Al Madrigal interviewed pissed-off New Yorkers about how pissed they are over the city’s new bike-share program.
 
3. During her set on The Half Hour, Nikki Glaser explained that while her 28-year-old body is telling her to have a baby, her bank account is like hellllll no.
 
4. From Inside Amy Schumer’s Amy Schumer comes Slap Chef, the dieting program that will literally make you fear for your food. This episode also features a promo for “Sit ‘Em Ups,” a competing weight-loss regime from Michael Ian Black. And yes, “Sit ‘Em Ups” are just regular sit-ups.
 
5. Colbert completed the 71st instalment of his 434-part series “Better Know a District,” this time in Wisconsin’s 2nd. Kudos to Congressman Mark Pocan for holding up so well against Colbert’s persistent grilling.