You hear that noise? It’s the sound of thousands of kids screaming in despair at the thought of going back to school next week. Despite providing valuable education, friendships and life skills, most children truly believe that school stinks and we happen to agree. Sorry kids, here are ten reasons you should throw on a fake moustache and make for Mexico to live as an adult because SCHOOL STINKS:

1. THE GOBLIN IN THE LIBRARY

That guy is so annoying. It’s like, I’d love to feed you but for the last time I don’t walk around with eels in my pockets, man!



Nice owl you idiot. 

 

2. SCALLOPS IN THE CAFETERIA ARE NEVER SEARED PROPERLY

You all look forward to Scallop Saturdays but cafeteria staff seems incapable of getting a hard sear on those babies. Also, would it be too much to ask to get a pan sauce with some fresh herbs for once?

 

Not that hard to do!


 
3. HAVING TO DUEL FOR YOUR LIFE IN GYM CLASS

It’s so dumb that gym class duels are limited to swords only. That’s great news for experienced swordsmen but what about those who are more inclined toward the spear?

 


 
4. SHARING A LOCKER WITH ONE OF THE MECHANICS FROM NEXT DOOR

Sure, they provide magazine cutouts of naked people but their greasy tools make everything so slippery and they get unreasonably mad if you move anything of theirs.

 

Wipe that smile off your face, Carl. I know you stole my binder. 


 
5. THOSE DAMN FLAT ROOFS

More like “tennis ball traps” you good-for-nothing school board fat cats.


6. NO LAUNDRY

Without proper laundry facilities a day at school can feel like a century in a medieval prison.


7. SOLVING PROBLEMS NOT MURDERS IN MATH CLASS

The show Numbers proved that math is best used to solve crimes but schools still insist on teaching formulas that only solve the problem of excitement.

 


 
8.  LEARNING MUSIC FROM A TEACHER WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHO MEGADETH IS

Most music curriculums are severely outdated, ignoring modern classics like Tornado Of Souls and Into The Lungs Of Hell.

 


 
9. YOU’RE FORCED TO TIP BATHROOM ATTENDANTS

Removing those bathroom attendants would mean not having to bring toilet money to school only to have a bully take it and spend it on a new sword for gym class.

 

"How was your piss? Please tip"


 
10. THE VENDING MACHINES DON’T ACCEPT TRADES

Once your toilet money is gone you having nothing left for the vending machines. Since you all carry an inventory of items, potions and keys, you should be allowed to use them as trade for snacks and drinks.