Mark Zuckerberg revealed that Facebook will soon include a “Dislike” button to help users communicate hatred in a snap. Now that dislike is FINALLY a reality it’s time to focus on which buttons should come next.

We consulted tech experts, social media powerhouses and opinionated assholes to come up with the next crop of Facebook buttons that will help us communicate faster and vaguer than ever before. We hope you LIKE it ahahhahahahahahhaahahahahah


 
There’s nothing more frustrating than finding out that one of your Facebook friends has a stupid opinion on something. While the “dislike” button will help you communicate mild disagreement, “Shut Up” makes for a more powerful statement.
 
 
It’s tacky to point out someone’s horrible spelling on the Internet so this button makes it simple and easy. By attaining enough Your Spelling Is Atriciouses, bad spellers will hopefully consider pulling a Billy Madison and head back to school to re-educate while also seducing the school’s hottest teacher.
 
 
Joke theft is rampant in today’s fast-paced Internet age and rather than starting a long, drawn-out argument with a thief--which could get you a bunch of Shut Ups--let the thief and their followers know with one passive-aggressive press of a button.
 
 
Attention seekers often use vagueness in a pathetic attempt for likes and comments. Rather than read an endless string of “Are you okay” variations, streamline by pressing Press Elaborate.  
 
 
There’s often a clear disconnect between those of us who spend a lot of time on the Internet and those who don’t. Fair-weather surfers are unaware of the age of certain memes and links and post them as if they're brand new, which makes us experienced clickers feel embarrassed for them. Frighten them from posting anything ever again by using this button.
 
 
It’s damn near impossible to let a share-happy parent know that the baby they believe is cute, is not. If they get enough Your Baby Isn’t That Cutes it will safely inform them to cease posting pics until the baby has developed into a mildly presentable adult.
 
 
Let your cousin know that if you weren’t family, there’s no way you’d be friends!
 
 
Only the most interesting material gets read in the bathroom so let your friends know how much you covet their work by clicking this next time you bring the tablet into the toilet.
 
 
The beauty of Facebook is that it allows users to connect with people they’ve lost touch with. I’m sure we’ve all awkwardly messaged a potential dad only to find out he’s a just a boring idiot with your last name. Expedite the process with this new button!
 
 
Respond positively to an Are You My Real Dad without having to explain the insane circumstances behind abandoning your son or daughter.
 
 
Respond negatively to an Are You My Real Dad without having to ask why someone thought you were their dad.
 
 
 
There’s a lot of legal grey-area in the social media sphere so this button cuts through the red tape to explicitly disclose to your friends and law enforcement your intentions regarding a post.