Television history will be made tonight when Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory finally has sex with another human—his girlfriend Amy. Pop culture nerds have a storied history of abstinence, virginity and utter hopelessness when it comes to sex and love, but they always seem to prevail in the end by utilizing their innocence and highly-tuned brains.

Tonight’s monumental episode got us thinking about the modern nerd’s epic quest for love and sex, inspiring us to create a non-exhaustive list of five success stories.


Milhouse Van Houten


Age: 8
Virgin: Yes
Hair Colour: Blue


Unlike Sheldon, Milhouse of Simpsons fame isn’t known for his smarts but rather his pitiable nature and blind loyalty to Bart. In the third season of the show, Milhouse meets Samantha Starkey and engages in a steamy relationship before she’s sent away Saint Sebastian's School for Wicked Girls.

Because The Simpsons has like, a hundred seasons, we’re pretty sure Milhouse has had other relationships but this is the one that started it all and besides, we haven’t watched past season ten.


Lewis Skolnick 


Age: College
Virgin: No
Laugh: Throaty


Revenge of the Nerds was a monumental film that helped bring nerds into the mainstream while helping many real life geeks get some back in the mid-eighties. Despite deviously tricking the beautiful Betty Childs into banging him, lead nerd Lewis Skolnick still won a major victory against the jocks by bedding one of their own.

The film was one of the first to accurately address the horniness and sexual prowess of nerds, which is perfectly summed up in this post-coital exchange between Childs and Skolnick:


BETTY
Oh, Stan. You were wonderful. You did things to me you've never done before.

 
LEWIS TAKES OFF HIS MASK

BETTY
Ahhh! You're that NERD!

LEWIS
Yeah.

BETTY
Oh, you were wonderful. Are all nerds as good as you?

LEWIS
Yes.

BETTY
How come?

LEWIS
'Cause all Jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex.

 

Garth Algar


Age: I don’t know
Virgin: Nope
Smells Like: Brut


The (mega happy) ending of Wayne’s World finds Garth realizing his dream of requited love with the dream woman he pines for during the film. Seeing as Garth doesn’t get his pubes until Wayne’s World 2, it’s safe to assume that the relationship remained platonic and didn’t last.

With his newfound manhood in the sequel, Garth begins a torrid affair with Honey Horneé and is no longer a stranger to the ways of the woman. But the relationship was purely sexual, and after Horneé tries to convince Garth to kill her ex-husband, he bails, eventually ending up with city clerk Betty Jo who shares his interest in UNIX code.


Wyatt and Gary


Age: Teens
Virgins: Yeah I think
Combined Weight: 123 lbs


The nerds from Weird Science manage to create a living, magical sex bomb named Lisa, but unfortunately they never get to do her. Instead, she gives them the confidence to court their crushes, and though it’s never implied that they successfully bed their objects of desire, it’s safe to assume that they got some eventually.


Watch the historic Big Bang tonight at 8/7c on CTV!