The Roast Battle world championships entered its second night as eight all-new comedians competed in their bracket for a spot in tomorrow’s quarter finals. The battle featured two new guest judges (Whoopi Goldberg and Anthony Jeselnik), the event’s only Canadian roaster, and one member of the Wave breastfeeding the other two. Welcome to Montreal.
 
Match one: Mike Lawrence vs. Matthew Broussard



In a Roast Battle between a Ken doll and a caveman, who do you think is more likely to bring the burns? New York’s sweatiest writer went up against Texas’ epitome of white privilege in this match.

Mike’s best burn: The burns came fast and furious as Lawrence addressed his competition as “Mannequin Skywalker”, “Hack Efron”, and “Goldman Sack of Shit”.

Matthew’s best burn: Broussard took aim at his rival’s unkempt nerd vibe, telling him,“You look like if Burger King had a Genius Bar.”

Who won: Mike Lawrence

Who should have won: We don’t envy the judges for having to decide this one. Lawrence and Broussard were well-matched, requiring Jeff Ross and his weird jacket to weigh in with the deciding vote for Lawrence.

What the judges had to say: “You guys look like before and after pictures of the apocalypse.”—guest judge Anthony Jeselnik, whose vote went to Broussard, but only because the two played in the same Hitler Youth soccer league.
 
Match two: K. Trevor Wilson vs. Olivia Grace



Wilson, Roast Battle’s only Canadian competitor went toe-to-wheelchair with a 20-year-old comic who’d had 35 stitches put in her leg the night before. Montreal is dangerous, guys.

K. Trevor’s best burn: Bringing both Grace’s criminal record and dating history into the ring, Wilson quipped “Your parents’ hearts must swell with pride when they tell people you died in a house fire.”

Olivia’s best burn: Unleashing the best fat joke of all time, Grace told the audience, “K. Trevor can’t afford to buy any of you ladies diamonds but if you let him climb on top of you, he’ll slowly turn you into one.”

Who won: K. Trevor Wilson

Who should have won: It would have been awesome to see Grace in top form (aka not one day after massive blood loss) because despite her weakened state, she still killed it.

What the judges had to say: “That’s the hardest I’ve laughed at someone in a wheelchair since the last time I saw someone in a wheelchair.”—Anthony Jeselnik.
 
Match three: Tony Hinchcliffe vs. Mark Normand



Is this a Roast Battle or a tetherball fight? It was hard to tell when podcast host Hinchcliffe and undefeated Roaster Normand entered the ring, both looking kind of anemic.

Mark’s best burn: Normand joked that after watching Hinchcliffe’s standup special, Netflix suggested “If you liked this bomb, you’ll love this Nagasaki documentary.”

Tony’s best burn: Riffing on Mark’s attempt to make fun of his low-rated special, Hinchcliffe pointed out that his show actually has 4.5 stars. “Speaking of 4.5 stars,” he added. “Mark’s a really good Uber driver.”

Who won: Tony Hinchcliffe

Who should have won: If you can tell these two plaid-wearing white dudes apart, YOU win this battle.

What the judges had to say: After a sudden death joke overtime was called, the judges declared Hinchcliffe the winner—even though Jeff Ross thinks he looks “like a Boy Scout who sells Girl Scout cookies.”
 
Match four: Ms. Pat vs. Ralphie May



In which Jeff Ross praises his own show for deciding to award trophies instead of championship belts. We could see the fat jokes coming from a Mile End away.

Ralphie’s best burn: “Ms. Pat fell into a gorilla enclosure and the gorilla shot himself.” Oof. We felt that burn right through our screens.

Pat’s best burn: “If you could walk a mile in Ralphie’s shoes, you would be the first one to ever walk a mile in Ralphie’s shoes.” If you’ve ever seen May, you know that this joke was both funny and probably true.

Who won: Ralphie May

Who should have won: May. If only for calling out the weirdness that is Wave.

What the judges had to say: Whoopi told Ms. Pat, “When you hit it, there’s no one like you.” We’re guessing that despite the loss, that one compliment will keep the comedian going for the next 6 or 8 years.
 
Tune in to Comedy tonight as things heat up in the Roast Battle quarter finals and check out last night’s Post Battle below!